If we're being honest, pretty much everything about Valentine's Day is cliche and lame: plastic-wrapped flowers, cheap candy, horrible puns that make you want to rip Cupid's little wings out and throw him up against a wall. It's unfortunate because the meaning behind V-Day is really quite admirable. The deep enduring love that can be shared between two human beings is a special thing and deserves to be celebrated by everyone in a way that is thoughtful and unique. Here's our take on the conventional status quo, the played-out flower bouquet, and how to give them a spicy twist. Hint: it involves an armful of salami.
1. They're a pretty morbid gift
The most obvious reason flowers are a terrible idea is that they are going to wilt and die very soon anyway. Sure you may think it’s charming and deep to reflect upon the impermanence of life itself, but it’s really just pretentious and depressing.
2. Giving someone more work to do isn't cool
A big part of why you love your boo is that they do so much for you! They remind you of your appointments, help you with the dishes, and even picked that stubborn parsley sprig out of your teeth! Do you really want to add “water flowers” to that long list of things to do?
3. They're boring and unoriginal
Even if you've been together for a long time, you still want to surprise each other and keep the mystery alive! But the quickest way to kill that excitement is by getting a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store right on your way home from work. Predictable, cliche and way too little effort.
4. What they really want is the meat
If you do decide to go the flowers route, your sweetheart is probably generous enough to say that they love it and you. Just know that deep deep down, they will be yearning for a delicious savory Olympia Provisions Salami Bouquet. So save yourself the trouble and do it right the first time.